Thursday, November 09, 2006


Humility is hard. I honestly believe ministry makes it harder. Why? Because people look to me for answers. People act like they value my opinion and even better, they need me at times because I am a supposed spiritual leader.

The honest truth of the matter is that I’m just like the guy Marko described in the closing session of the Anaheim YS Convention. I’m an arrogant idiot (words changed to protect the innocent). I like being important. It’s good to be needed, especially in those times of crisis. And yep, my ego likes having influence.

Where one would think ministry should make this humility thing easier it doesn’t. Instead, it adds more stumbling blocks to the path. It’s not the calling or vocation’s fault at all. In fact, at the very heart of ministry is a call to die to myself so I can’t blame it on that. Instead, I think I struggle with humility because of how I approach my calling: with my head.

Again, it’s not the fault of my mind that I’m arrogant. It’s how I use it. I have observed that there are basically two types of people in ministry: those led by their heads and those led by their hearts. It’s rare to see those who demonstrate a balance of both or are willing to jump into the other pond. It’s somewhere in that balance and willingness to explore the “other” side that I think humility takes over the selfish world of our flesh.

I haven’t worked all this out yet so bear with me over the next few days or weeks. There is a connection between our approach to ministry and the size of our egos. That’s not in question. The question before me is if I’m willing to change not just how I think about ministry but also how I feel about it?

What if I was really willing to treat the people in our churches with the respect they deserve, or worse, don’t deserve? What if I was just as willing to step away from things as I was to accept them in the first place.

The more I work through this the more clearly I see that my ego and my brain guide a majority of my decisions. It helps me stay in control. We all know that it’s essential for a minister to be in control at all times, right? So how bad would it be to realize how un-controllable life can be?

I know I’m called to die to myself. That call came again and again throughout the week. I just like myself so much at times. Like I said, I’m an arrogant idiot but I’d like to think I’m on the road to becoming a recovering arrogant idiot.



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