Thursday, January 25, 2007


Alanis Morrisette (sp?) had some wisdom, don't ya think? Life is a little ironic.
Last Friday began our 4 week study on listening to God. Here's the outline:

Week 1: Posture--Are we really seeking to hear God? Both Moses and Elijah ended up at the Mount of God (Horeb), but do we find time to seek Him?

Week 2: Silence--Why is being still so hard?

Week 3: Patience--Maybe we don't need the answer right now? How sovereign do we believe God really is?

Week 4: Obey--What if we have such a hard time listening to God because we're afraid of what He might say?

As I've been prepping for this week, I've been studying what guys like Thomas Merton, Thomas A Kempis, Tozer, and newer guys like Tony Jones, Mark Yaconelli and Richard Foster have to say about the subject. It's been great. I've been convicted of my own lack of spiritual discipline, my personal noise that pushes the voice of God to the side and my unwillingness to be a man of few words.

Throughout the week I have set aside some specific times to prayerfully prepare for Friday and more importantly just be with God. Yet in each of these times I let myself get distracted almost to a point beyond recovery.

Take today for instance. I headed over to Pacific Coffee Company, put on some quiet background music to drown everything out and sat there reading and reflecting. It started so well. Then thoughts of what "had" to be done began creeping in. Then it was lots of thought of inadequacy, fear, and doubt about all sorts of things. It got to the point where the response became very physical, I simply couldn't sit there. I had to get up and move. I had to DO something.

To come face to face with my own frailty is painful. I have three weeks to myself. Melissa and Isabella are back in the states visiting family. I miss them terribly but also looked forward to the chance to just be alone in solitude with God. Instead, more of the same, busy brain that I experienced this morning.

I won't be giving up. In fact, tonight, I'm making some adjustments to make sure I'm available to the importance of just simply being with God.

I'm embarrassed at how difficult this endeavor has been. In this embarrassment is the truth that it's been far too long since I truly communed with God consistently. I've spent time with Him but have avoided that silence that draws me into His presence. Why?

"It is often when we're swallowed up in God that we find our true selves."
Tony Jones in The Sacred Way, 42

I'm afraid of my true self. I'll have to deal with hard things, with those insecurities, with my activity of doing so much that I avoid being who God has called me to be.

May this time of solitude be a painful awakening, drawing nearer to God in the quietness of my soul resting in Him.

Labels: ,


Post a Comment

<< Home