Leading

Tonight during dinner one of our students asked me how I decide what I teach on each week. This wasn't all that crazy of a question and is, in fact, one I've heard many times before. However it's usually asked in the context of "what were you thinking?" or did you honestly think that would work?".

David's question struck me as coming straight from the heart. We'd just finished our third week in the series on listening to God, this time talking about waiting and I explained that I felt like this was where God was leading our group and that I do my best to have things planned out at least a few months in advance. I shared with him that for me it's about trusting God to guide me and direct me even if I don't understand exactly how that info is getting to me. I told him I'm not such an original thinker so I have to rely on the amazing creativity of God to lead us right where He wants us to go, together.

As I finished my little ditty, he looked at me and said thanks because the past couple of weeks were just what he wanted and needed to hear.

It's amazing how God works. I felt like tonight flopped. Everyone seemed to be focused on anything but listening to God. If anything, it was a competition to see who could be the loudest. And then, with one question, everything changed:

How do you decide what you teach us?
Thank God the answer to that is a resounding, I don't.
I'm not that smart.


Lord, thank you for speaking even when I feel like I can barely hear You. Thanks for using a broken vessel. Thank you for letting me serve students that are changing everything! Thank you for being sovereign. Thank you for letting me be even a tiny part of Your story in the lives of such amazing people.

Frantic

Alanis Morrisette (sp?) had some wisdom, don't ya think? Life is a little ironic.
Last Friday began our 4 week study on listening to God. Here's the outline:

Week 1: Posture--Are we really seeking to hear God? Both Moses and Elijah ended up at the Mount of God (Horeb), but do we find time to seek Him?

Week 2: Silence--Why is being still so hard?

Week 3: Patience--Maybe we don't need the answer right now? How sovereign do we believe God really is?

Week 4: Obey--What if we have such a hard time listening to God because we're afraid of what He might say?

As I've been prepping for this week, I've been studying what guys like Thomas Merton, Thomas A Kempis, Tozer, and newer guys like Tony Jones, Mark Yaconelli and Richard Foster have to say about the subject. It's been great. I've been convicted of my own lack of spiritual discipline, my personal noise that pushes the voice of God to the side and my unwillingness to be a man of few words.

Throughout the week I have set aside some specific times to prayerfully prepare for Friday and more importantly just be with God. Yet in each of these times I let myself get distracted almost to a point beyond recovery.

Take today for instance. I headed over to Pacific Coffee Company, put on some quiet background music to drown everything out and sat there reading and reflecting. It started so well. Then thoughts of what "had" to be done began creeping in. Then it was lots of thought of inadequacy, fear, and doubt about all sorts of things. It got to the point where the response became very physical, I simply couldn't sit there. I had to get up and move. I had to DO something.

To come face to face with my own frailty is painful. I have three weeks to myself. Melissa and Isabella are back in the states visiting family. I miss them terribly but also looked forward to the chance to just be alone in solitude with God. Instead, more of the same, busy brain that I experienced this morning.

I won't be giving up. In fact, tonight, I'm making some adjustments to make sure I'm available to the importance of just simply being with God.

I'm embarrassed at how difficult this endeavor has been. In this embarrassment is the truth that it's been far too long since I truly communed with God consistently. I've spent time with Him but have avoided that silence that draws me into His presence. Why?

"It is often when we're swallowed up in God that we find our true selves."
Tony Jones in The Sacred Way, 42

I'm afraid of my true self. I'll have to deal with hard things, with those insecurities, with my activity of doing so much that I avoid being who God has called me to be.

May this time of solitude be a painful awakening, drawing nearer to God in the quietness of my soul resting in Him.

Weight

We continued our study of Ecclesiastes tonight at (R)evolve focusing on the issue of weight. After having everyone weigh themselves on a scale, I asked our students to write and then discuss what weighs them down in life and why?
As we talked about why we thought Solomon might have felt so depressed (see 1:8-9, 2:9-10 specifically), the depth of thought coming out of the mouths of these teenagers was well beyond their years.
As we listened to the Crowder song "Wholly Yours" the question was posed of what we life be like if we could lift our eyes beyond ourselves and lose all that weight that we carry. As I watched our kids wrestle with and respond to this I realized how much of me I've been carrying. I was leading a discussion on being free and eternally minded yet here I am coming face to face with my own frailty.
I'm glad that it was with our students that this hit me. We're on this journey together and I love that I can lead students but also be honest with them and let them know I struggle too. Somehow, I hope that brings the message to life just a little more.

Progression II

The progression planned for our lock-in didn't go at all as planned. Looking back over the evening and morning I'm both saddened that I didn't have things a little better structured and pleased that I didn't resort to too much structure.
While I was really excited to think through some of the raw emotion of Ecclesiastes, I know that time will come, later.
I feel like I'm continually having to learn that my best laid plans, if relied too heavily upon, only get in the way of divine plans. Sure enough, the evening provided a few of those moments. They weren't structured and they certainly weren't planned. Hopefully, their significance will reach far beyond any lesson I wasn't able to share that night.
The longer I do this, the more I am coming to grips with how little I know and how desperately I need the help of the Holy Spirit every step of the way.

Progression

The focus of our three sessions during this year's lock in is the book of Ecclesiastes. As the primary goal of our lock in is community and spiritual development, our goal during these times is to wrestle, together, with what Solomon was wrestling with and see what conclusions God will open up to us.

Session One: Weighing In--is everything really meaningless?
(Ecclesiastes 1:8-9, 2:8)
What perspectives do we have on life, do we convey to others and what weight do these perspectives place on our lives?

Session Two: Mirrors
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Life is a series of seasons--we seem to think the one we’re in is all that matters but what if we were able to take a more eternal outlook on life?

Session Three: Eyes Wide Open
Ecclesiastes 5:1
Can we hear God? Are we even trying to? What kind of life could we lead if we listened more and spoke less?

May God use these times to draw us together, toward Him.

Just heart

Continued thoughts about justice.

Last night went pretty well, though I'm not sure how well it all came together at the end. Lots of questions about pain, fairness and what we deserver came up.

My next thought is, if we are to live as Christ, taking care of the least of these, why do we struggle with it so much. It's the easiest thing in the world to say we should do. And we love talking about social justice and all that needs done. In fact, people seem to get energized behind a cause, for a time.

That's the problem, it seems like we embrace a life of serving the destitute, hurting, unlovely, etc., those that need some love, for a time then move back into our daily lives. I'm horribly guilty of this.

I haven't come to many conclusions save it has become a personal problem. Here's what I mean. Groups, when motivated and energized, seem to do a good job of furthering whatever cause they might be behind. Think about it, Republicans, Democrats, Greenpeace, The World Wildlife Fund, The One Campaign, (Red), etc. These are causes that people get behind, often very strongly. And they are often entered into because of that group. We gravitate toward those that we share like passions with and join them in their journey.

It seems to be more difficult to just go out, find a hurting neighbor and help them. That doesn't fit into a time when we can all gather and fix the problem. It doesn't necessarily help our social status and it certainly isn't very visible. All of which are significant reasons to DO exactly what is hard. Because whether seen or not, people need each other to go out of their way to help; even if they go it alone.

As I continue to work through this with our students, I'll keep posting. I think this is a venture that will shape my soul and the souls of my youth in mighty ways.

Just

Tonight, our youth group begins a series on the theme of justice. It's been on my mind and in my heart to do something along these lines since Cbass brought up the idea about a year ago. He'd been reading a book on the subject and made some very stirring and convicting comments about how easy it is to look the other way.

Our first look at justice is through the eyes of pain, specifically the thoughts of David in Psalm 119. I have no intent of giving many answers tonight; I'd much rather pose a lot of questions about ourselves and our world.

As we progress through the series, we will broaden the scope of our "frames" a little more each week. Tonight, pain and justice in our lives. Why are we, like I said in a previous post, more concerned with fairness than love? Deep down, do we think people really do get what they deserve? Why?

This will be a heavy night for us I'm sure. That's okay. Justice or lack thereof is heavy. Maybe that's why I'm so afraid to really dig into it.

wisdom

(R)evolve tonight (our Friday night youth gathering) focused on the concept of wisdom.
As we dug a little deeper into what it might look like in our lives, a great question was formed. Angela noted that most teenagers wouldn't be considered wise and she wondered why. The answers ranged from stupidity to hormones and lots in between. That's what was great about it. It became instantly personal because we were trying to work it out together.
I believe that teenagers have just as much potential for the demonstration of wisdom as adults do. I understand that their decision making abilities aren't fully developed yet and that they are still maturing but wisdom goes beyond these things. I fear that part of the reason teenagers choose not to act wisely, as our group suggested tonight, is that there is no expectation for them to act wisely. It's as if we have communicated to our teenagers that wisdom can only come with time. That is true, partially. But much of wisdom comes from the willingness to take a risk in making the hard choice. I think teens are better equipped for that than anyone. Everyday presents hard choices, many that are presented to them for the first time.
Maturity is a major component of wisdom, no doubt, it's just not the only one. I asked our group tonight what would happen if they really focused on living a life of wisdom. No one said much. That's okay. My prayer is that they won't say anything, they'll be too busy working it out in their lives.

It amazes me time and again how much I can learn from our students lives. They are working out their salvation...